Who runs your life, you or your ego?

Most people don't realize how much their ego rules their life. Do you have any idea? Let's start by defining what the ego is.

The ego is the sum of all our core beliefs, i.e. what is right and what is wrong. Since we are about 10% aware of everything that goes on inside us, this means that we are not very aware of all our beliefs. This is why our school places so much emphasis on widening our consciousness. How can we change our lives if we don't even know we are being led by ego?

We create a core belief when we are afraid of suffering again. We therefore decide that we need to be on guard so it doesn’t happen again. Each of our core beliefs is like a personality, a part of the ego we have created to protect ourselves from something. None of these personalities know that others like them exist and especially they do not know our true needs. All they know is that their role is to protect us in order to spare us the suffering we experienced when we created them.

Our ego is all those little voices talking in our head all the time. Let's take for example a little boy who dares to tell the truth when his parents ask him if he was the one who broke the neighbor's window. He then is punished and must spend the day in his room. He feels rejected, and misunderstood. He draws the conclusion, even if he might be unaware, that TO BE TRUTHFULL = TO BE REJECTED. This is how ONE core belief is created. From that moment on, he will listen to his ego and avoid telling the truth if there is a danger of being rejected: Don't tell the truth! You know what will happen to you, you will no longer be loved, you will be rejected and suffer again.

Most of us don't even hear these little voices and act mechanically according to our beliefs. Some people are aware of the voices of the ego, but not of the fact that these are deciding and directing their lives. They let themselves be led by the ego, and therefore live in fear.

The ego is incapable of knowing your true needs, i.e. what would make you truly happy, because it is only a mental creation. It therefore keeps repeating the past and believes that you will always experience the same suffering.

You will know that your ego is influencing you when one of the following situations occur:

• You criticize yourself or someone else.
• You compare yourself or someone else by thinking one is better or worse.
• You justify and defend yourself.
• You try to value yourself by what you have or what you do.
• You don't know how to listen, you interrupt the other person to talk about yourself. Or you wait until the person has finished talking and then you rush to bring the subject back to yourself.
• You seek praise and recognition.
• You judge someone or something as right or wrong, correct or incorrect, fair or unfair, etc.
• You try to fix other people's lives, to control them, believing that you have the answer or the best solution for them, without them having asked you.
• You want to have the last word, being certain you are right.
• You exaggerate by using words like never, always.
• You lie.

Why are all those behaviours linked to the ego? The answer is: there is judgement and a lack of unconditional love in all of them.

All you have to do now is to be alert of the hold your ego has on you. Several steps are necessary:

• ­At first, it’s helpful to ask others to help you become aware when you have one of those behaviours, because it’s quite difficult to see it yourself.
• You might become aware before, during or after the ego took control. Just accept yourself and next time you will see it a little earlier or the ego might not even show up.
• Know that your ego is convinced that it is doing you a favor. So don't be angry with it. Don't try to chase it away, but talk to it. Tell it that you recognize its good intention. However, today you have decided to experience listening to your need and it has nothing to fear. Assure him that even if what he fears will happen to you, such as being rejected for telling the truth, you feel able to deal with that consequence. Affirm that you are no longer the scared little child you used to be
• Then you will begin to experience the joy of mastering your life.

It takes a lot of energy to feed the ego. As it has less control over you, its activity will decrease and your energy will increase. So by listening to your true self, you will have a boost of energy.