Why do some people have a lot more self-confidence than others? Is it hereditary? Is it by chance? Is it something we learn? Is it something we acquire? Does being encouraged to develop this confidence suffice? These are many of the questions that those who don't have self-confidence ask.
To start with, here is a test to help you determine your degree of self-confidence
Tick the box that corresponds to your answer
How to determine your results for the test above:
- Never = 0 point
- Sometimes = 2 points
- Often = 4 points
- Always = 5 points
The sum total of your points gives you your percentage
Example : total of 71 points = 71 %.
What does "HAVING SELF-CONFIDENCE" really mean?
Here are the characteristics of people who have self-confidence:
- They remain confident and live with the certainty that everything will work itself out.
- They don't put themselves down after a failure.
- They don't identify themselves only be their achievements/performances.
- They know their worth; they acknowledge who they are.
- They know that you can only really learn through experience.
- They can confide and reveal themselves even if others don't agree because they know that you can't agree with everything. Moreover, they know that they can be loved and appreciated even by those who don't agree with them.
I'm sure that the greatest wish of all people is to reach this level of self-confidence someday. So why is it so difficult? The main cause is the quantity of outdated beliefs we have; in other words what we have learnt and believed to be true since childhood.
These beliefs are developed in different ways:
- By the example of one or both parents who weren't
- When young, where we were told that we didn't do anything well
- Following any experience where we could have developed an inferiority complex after having been put down.
- Following a reprimand, criticism or rejection for having dared, when young, to be self-confident.
Whatever the origin of the belief may be, the stronger it is, the more power it has over the person who holds it. The effect of this belief is to imprison the person in fear.
Here are a few examples of fears that people lacking self-confidence sustain: :
- Fear of taking up too much space if we allow ourselves to be self-confident, which can lead to the fear of being criticized or judged as being proud, and therefore, of BEING LOVED LESS.
- Fear of having to make decisions and of not being able to go through with them, which can lead to the fear of being judged as incompetent, and therefore, of BEING LOVED LESS.
- Fear of making a mistake or taking the wrong path, which can also lead to the fear of being criticized, and therefore, of BEING LOVED LESS.
The more people believe that being self-confident equals being loved less, the less they'll be themselves. They believe that lacking self-confidence, with the consequences that that entails, is less painful than not being loved.
When the consequences of lacking self-confidence make them suffer more than the idea of not being loved, they'll be ready to decide that their belief and their fear of not being loved are no longer necessary or are no longer true for them. From then on, they'll be able to change their inner attitude.
We can measure a person's degree of self-confidence by their ability to reveal themselves, to confide in others without fearing their judgement.
How to do this?
Begin by deciding to reveal yourself a little more each day. On the other hand, it is important to differentiate "revealing yourself" with "complaining" or "wanting to change the other person". Revealing yourself is confiding in others, opening yourself up, speaking about yourself, about what you feel without seeking the pity, agreement or approval of others. Some people believe that when they speak to other people about their problems, they automatically reveal themselves. However, they often speak with the intention of changing, or of wanting to manipulate or control the other person. What they say is based on fear. People who really confide in others do it without fear, without ulterior motives.
Decide to be honest at all times. Rather than lying, choose to say nothing but get in touch with the hidden fear that prevents you from telling the truth. Allow yourself to still have this fear while keeping in mind that everything is transformed through acceptance.
Open yourself up and accept other people's truths. Don't forget that when you say to other people "I want the truth", it's highly likely that you won't appreciate what they have to say. Above all, don't condemn them, because they'll no longer want to tell you the truth. The more you encourage others to trust you enough to tell you a truth you don't like, the more self-confidence you'll develop.
When you realize that you lack self-confidence in one area, give yourself this right; find the courage to admit this and you'll see that your limits will be pushed higher.
When you find it hard to trust someone, tell that person and realize that this distrust is based on past experience and that for the moment it's impossible for you to do otherwise. The other person will respect your frankness.
Take the risk and give yourself the right to fail while keeping in mind that everything is purely experience. Don't be hindered by "presumed failures" from the past. They were of use to you, it's up to you to discover how.
Don't measure your worth by your achievements, measure it by what you "are". Don't think that you're "special" only when you achieve the expected results. Don't wait for results to be happy. Be happy about your creativity at all times in all areas of your life.
You'll see that by regaining your self-confidence, you'll find your inner power and your life will be greatly improved.
You'll open yourself up to abundance to the same degree as you are open to creativity. The more you create your life in accordance with your needs, the more you'll find yourself going in the right direction.
You'll develop more love for yourself and therefore you'll attract more love to you.