You cannot please everyone

If you feel uncomfortable or guilty when you say or do something that seems to displease another person or if you are disappointed, frustrated or even angry when another person does not do or does not say what pleases you, then you are among those who believe you can please everyone, especially people you love.

How do you feel when your partner forgets your birthday or your anniversary despite the importance you attach to these events? Many people will reply that it doesn't bother them and that they are used to it. On the other hand, if you are trying to convince others that it doesn't bother you or if you are thinking about it, it is an indication that this situation does bother you.

How do you feel when your partner forgets your birthday or your anniversary despite the importance you attach to these events?

It is IMPOSSIBLE to please those we love all of the time. To constantly please all those who are close to you (parents, spouse, children, friends, colleagues at work) means being attentive to all their demands and remembering everything that makes them happy, which, you will surely agree, is beyond anyone's limits. If you are in the habit of behaving this way, it is imperative and urgent that you learn the difference between pleasing and loving.

PLEASING means to give pleasure by behaving in accordance with what pleases someone. LOVING means accepting someone's differences, desires, fears, limits, talents and shortcomings, WITHOUT judging them for it and without wanting to change them. We can conclude from this that LOVING is a spiritual notion and that PLEASING is a material (Physical, emotional or mental) function.

Therefore, if the people you love decide not to please you, it doesn't mean they do not love you: they are simply expressing their LIMITS. Everyone is entitled to have limits. Moreover, LOVING yourself means respecting your own as well. When you decide not to act according to the desires of another person out of respect for yourself or vice-versa, tell yourself that this is AN ACT OF LOVE.

Let's go back to the example of the partner who has a hard time remembering birthdays and anniversaries. Their problem with remembering has nothing to do with love. You might think that this person should nevertheless make an effort to please their spouse since it is what most people do for a person they love. My reply to you would be that there are no doubt things this person likes to do, which their spouse does not like to do, and in which the spouse does not participate, like watching all the football or soccer games on TV. If a woman is doing her own thing while her husband is watching the game, does that prove she doesn't love him? And if she goes shopping without her husband because he doesn't want to come along, does that mean he doesn't love her? In both cases the answer is no. It is, rather, proof that you LOVE YOURSELF.

NO ONE CAN CONSTANTLY BE PLEASING OTHERS. When someone decides to please another person simply because it gives them pleasure to do so, it becomes a choice and not an obligation. On the other hand, pleasing someone out of FEAR of not being loved or appearing egotistical creates expectations on both sides and generates a feeling of guilt. Wouldn't you rather be living a life of true love?

With love,

Lise Bourbeau