Are you an honest person?
Do you ever ask yourself the following questions:
- What does "being honest" really mean?
- Do I have to say everything I think to be considered an honest person?
- Aren't certain truths better left unsaid?
Being a true honest person is being able to think, do, say and feel the same thing. If you think or feel something and you don't act accordingly, you're not being true to yourself and/or to others.
Being honest doesn't necessarily mean having to say everything we think and feel. However, when we decide to speak or act, our words and actions should always correspond to what we think and feel.
Lets have a look at the fears that prevent us from being honest.
THE FEAR OF DISPLEASING:
Has anyone ever asked your opinion on something you didn't like or you found ugly? How did you answer? Did you act in the same way as most people who, so as not to displease, find good reasons not to say what they really think?
People frequently say they agree with their spouse through fear of displeasing. Others force themselves and do everything in their power to please the other, to the point of going against their own wishes.
FEAR OF THE OTHER PERSON'S REACTION AND ESPECIALLY OF THEIR ANGER:
This is one of the greatest fears that prevent us from being honest. Here are several examples:
- A mother who says to her child: "I'll give you permission, but don't tell your father."
- A child who hides his school marks from his parents.
- A wife who lies to her husband about the price of her purchases.
- A man who invents excuses when he arrives home late.
- A wife who tells her husband that she was busy all day when in fact she saw a friend and didn't do much at all.
People who smoke, drink and eat secretly also fear other people's reactions.
FEAR OF NOT GIVING THE DESIRED IMAGE:
Rigid people who control themselves a lot often have this fear. Other people's judgement or opinion of them is very important. These people try to look and be their best at all times.
They tend to lie to themselves. For example, when they say: "I'm no longer addicted to cigarettes", they are very often controlling themselves and envy those who still smoke.
They also tend to control their weight, what they eat, their outings, their friends, the way their houses look, anything that others could judge as being imperfect. Moreover, they sometimes lie about their children or spouse when it might harm the image of the perfect parent (or spouse) that they try to maintain.
FEAR OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH:
People who, once committed to something, feel they have to perform even if it exceeds their limits, have this fear. They find themselves stuck in situations that don't go with what they want or feel. They are often perfectionists who believe they never do enough, or that what they do isn't good enough.
FEAR OF SEEMING UNGRATEFUL:
Here are a few examples of lies that hide this fear:
- Saying: "Thank you, I love your present" when it's not the case.
- Inviting someone whose company you don't really like because they invited you before.
- Visiting your parents regularly even though you would prefer to see them less often.
- Choosing a career to make your parents happy, even though you would be better suited to another job.
- Making love to your spouse even though you don't want to, because he/she has just taken you out or given you a present.
- Feeling that you have to accept to help someone who has already helped you out even though you had already planned something else.
FEAR OF LOSING OR OF NOT HAVING ENOUGH:
People who are frightened of not having enough are the type of people who cheat on their tax returns or on an insurance claim. Others will get a doctor to certify that they can't work, so that they receive sickness benefit when if fact, they could work. They will take a day off saying that they're ill, when in fact they're out having fun or just lazying around.
Partners who can't speak openly about what they're feeling, fear losing the other. They know that their relationship is very superficial, but they prefer to bury their heads in the sand, pretending not to realize. Some will even seem affectionate and attentive to their partners, only to criticize them behind their back, to whoever wants to listen.
These people will often say, "It doesn't bother me", when in fact, what has just happened or been said really did upset them. In most cases, this behavior is motivated by the fear of losing someone or something.
As you can see, lies hide all sorts of fears! When you realize that you haven't been honest, try and find the fear that caused that to happen. The good side of lying, is that it helps you to become aware of fears that come from one or several wounds that appeared during your childhood. The most common wounds are: rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice.
All the previously mentioned examples hide one of these wounds.
Lying is human protection. People who lie believe that by not being honest, they'll no longer feel their wounds. This belief is false; it only creates an illusion of protection. The wound remains whole and the fears feed it.
Lying to yourself and lying to others leads to harmful consequences:
- It creates unease in relationships.
- Lying blocks our ability to create our lives in accordance with our real needs, it therefore blocks our creativity.
- By continually blocking our needs, the physical body ends up by being affected, by becoming ill. The most common illnesses that those who don't tell the truth suffer from are throat, jaw, teeth and gum disorders; torticollis (wryneck) and laryngitis.
- People whose fear prevents them from moving forward often have problems with their legs, feet and sciatic nerve.
The depth of the wound you experienced when young and the degree of the fears you've had ever since will determine the gravity of the illness. It is therefore urgent to decide to be honest even if that seems difficult at the beginning.
To be able to do this I suggest the following steps:
Give yourself the right not to have been honest, knowing that you were simply afraid of suffering.
Decide to be true from now on, knowing that at the beginning you won't always be able to. With practice you'll find it easier.
Tell the people who are close to you about this decision. Explain that you don't know how this decision will affect the way you act or speak and that they should be prepared to see a difference. Allow yourself to be clumsy at the beginning.
When you're afraid of telling the truth, take a deep breath, admit your fear and dare to be honest. You'll be really happy to see that your fear wasn't real because it was based on a past experience that doesn't necessarily reflect today's reality.
At the end of the day, reflect on your day and note the moments when you weren't true to yourself or to another person. Then note which fears were behind your lies. Allow yourself to have these fears and accept that being afraid is only human.
- Whenever possible, admit it to the person concerned the next day if necessary.
You'll like the rewards of being honest so much that, after a while, it will become natural.
Your relationships will improve and your creativity will develop to the same degree. You'll find your individuality, your "true self" and you'll stop cultivating false personalities who cost you a lot of energy. Instead, you'll use this energy to create your life and at the same time, you'll open up the doors of abundance in all areas of your life.