| Did you
know that... |
... having expectations is
justifiable only when an agreement was previously made?
During the twenty-six years I've been teaching,
I never found a more significant source of emotions and
stress than the situations that were generated by
expectations.
 What's an agreement? It's
the conscious result of a discussion between one or more
persons concerning a certain subject, topic or
situation. An agreement is not necessarily a commitment;
you may have an agreement without any commitment. For
example, a couple may agree to visit Italy during their
next vacation. But neither of them has committed to take
care of travel arrangements or pay for the trip! In
general, a commitment comes after the agreement. We can
commit to ourselves, but to have an agreement we have to
be involved with another person or persons. I can
promise myself that starting tomorrow, I will take at
least a one hour walk or do some exercise every second
day. That is a promise or commitment, but not an
agreement.
An agreement is not an order.
How many times have we heard or seen someone get angry,
saying: "I told you yesterday that you had to do this
today, and you never said you wouldn't!" In these
situations, there was no agreement between the two
persons. People generally assume that they're
entitled to have expectations when they ask something of
someone and the other just stays silent; but what if the
other person didn't hear the request? That's why there
are so many emotions (anger, frustration,
disappointment, aggression, impatience) caused by
expectations.
Let's say a woman's leaving to go
shopping and her husband says to her at the last minute:
"Remember, dear, bring me the newspaper." She comes back
without the paper and he gets angry. He's even ready to
swear that she agreed to do it, when in reality she was
still preoccupied by the phone call she received before
she left so she wasn't really listening to him. So, in
order to have a real agreement in such a situation, the
husband should have asked her if she would buy him a
newspaper and waited for her answer.
We expect
our children to act respectfully and gratefully. We
expect our spouse to remember our anniversary. In a
couple, whoever doesn't do the cooking expects that the
other will have a meal on the table at supper time. The
woman expects the man to put down the toilet seat. Were
there clear agreements in these different situations? In
general, no.
In some situations it's normal
to have expectations; for example, when you travel and
you're told that the train or plane is leaving at a
certain time, your impatience is justified when the
schedule isn't respected.
Unfortunately, we
carry around a lot of expectations where there hasn't
been any previous agreement. For example, when you're
waiting in line at the store or at the bank. You expect
to be served immediately, but these establishments never
agreed to serve you as soon as you entered the
door.
This would surely make a good new
year's resolution. Once you realize that you're angry
about something or other you expected to happen, ask
yourself if there had been a real agreement. If the
answer's no, take a deep breath and be aware that it's
the price you pay for having unrealistic expectations,
and for not having made good arrangements in the first
place. Remember that, fortunately, this will get easier
with practice.
If the answer's yes, that in your
opinion there was a clear agreement, I suggest you check
with the other person to see if the agreement was as
clear to him or her as is was for you. When you often
have this kind of experience with a person who easily
forgets his or her agreements and commitments, it's
recommended you have an additional agreement on
consequences (the price to pay when one does not fulfill
the agreement). The best way I found to help me with
those who make agreements and commitments without
holding to them, is to use a technique that's called the
mirror. I'll describe this technique to you in an
upcoming newsletter.
With
love,
Lise
Bourbeau |
|
Upcoming workshop |
Edmonton,
Canada 
Information or registration:
Early
Bird Registration deadline: March 4th
With each Early
Bird registration, receive your FREE copy of any one of
the following books by Lise Bourbeau.
"Listen to
Your Body, Your Best Friend on Earth"
"Heal Your
Wounds and Find Your True Self"
"Your Body's Telling
You: Love Yourself!"
April 25-26
2009
Information
or registration: 613-567-8111; email
Visit the Ottawa Tourism web
site to discover great activities that your family can
do during your workshop! http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?et=1102445248446&e=001KUG_5yVmE2S8em94kmMWfyuQULgMho-Wh5GCdsvJZqwUuYtKS_YrauV9wLBwpdOLhP9r9Z_JEcx86zCkxYWOkazhWDgrRMRuQljUFgxoDGZiEmOEVY-NJw==
Early Bird
Registration deadline: March 25th
With each Early Bird registration, receive
your FREE copy of any one of the following books by Lise
Bourbeau.
"Listen to Your Body, Your Best Friend on
Earth"
"Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True
Self"
"Your Body's Telling You: Love
Yourself!"
We will also be giving workshops in
Moscow, France, Quebec, Belgium and Switzerland. Contact
us for more
information. | |
| |
|
This months
excerpt |
If you are unhappy with the
consequences of your decisions, change your decisions.
ONLY YOU CAN CREATE YOUR LIFE! In understanding this
fully, you will also understand that others are also
solely responsible for theirs. Let them take on that
responsibility for their own sake and yours.
Excerpted from Listen to your
body. |
| Testimonial |
Dear
Stella (our organizer in Arbon, Switzerland),
First of all I would like
to thank you for the nice environment you had created
for us and your hospitality. I had a very nice day in
Zurich with good weather, a lovely walk and a tour to
the lake.
After the workshop, I decided to forgive
my first partner in life, who had hurt me a lot. As I
was in Zurich, I had the feeling that he was somewhere
next to me! I went to the airport with the same feeling,
but I had convinced myself that my mind was creating
stories.
After the check in, I heard his voice
calling me. I knew that it had to happen! We spent two
hours talking to each other and I went through all the
"forgiveness procedures" very naturally. I told him
everything I could not even whisper for the last 20
years.
I will never forget his eyes, after my
forgiveness.
He was on the same flight with me, with
Swiss Airlines (but note that he is a pilot at Olympic
Airways!). As we all know, nothing happens by
chance....
Thank you once more and also thanks Lise.
She was so clear, helpful and honest with us.
Lots
of
love,
Fragiski |
|
It's important to
laugh! |
|
Brother John entered the "Monastery of Silence" and
the Abbott said,
"Brother, this is a silent
monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but
you may not speak until I direct you to do
so."
Brother John lived in the monastery for five
years before the Abbott said to him, "Brother John, you
have been here five years now; you may speak two
words."
Brother John said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry
to hear that," the Abbot said. "We will get you a better
bed."
After another five years, Brother John was
called by the Abbott. "You may say another two words,
Brother John."
"Cold food," said Brother John, and
the Abbott assured him that the food would be better in
the future.
On his 15th anniversary at the
monastery, the Abbott again called Brother John into his
office. "Two words you may say today."
"I quit," said
Brother John.
"It is probably best, you've done
nothing but complain since you got here."
|
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