Her kids and husband are so accustomed to being served, they don't even think of offering their help. Every time they do, she says that she'll do it and is happy to do it alone.
 
Her children and husband act according to her decision. She doesn't realize that nothing will change in her life until she changes something inside of her. 
The day that she will realize that she is as dependent as her mother was, she will be able to change her decision of always being independent and come to accept her mother.
 
By doing everything herself, she thinks she's independent. What she doesn't realize is that she is dependent of her husbands' and kids' dependence of her!
 
What she should strive for is to become autonomous. Here is my definition of an autonomous person. It's a person who has the power to act freely and, above all, to decide what they want on their own. If they can't get what they want by themselves, they are able to ask people for help, to depend on others for help. To feel good, they don't need the endorsement nor the continuous presence of someone else.

What does this woman need to do to transform her emotional dependency into autonomy?
1- Make peace with her mother.
2- Share with her husband and her children what she discovered about herself.
 
Everything will change at home. She will be happy to help her family because it will be her choice and not just to be the opposite of her mother. When she needs help, she will be able to ask for help. If someone says "no" to her request, it's important to know that others aren't obliged to help. She will just have to find help elsewhere.

With love,
 
Lise Bourbeau